Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Randomize
