According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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