why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
