I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
