bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
