Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
