nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
