Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
