I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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