the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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