my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
