He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
