The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
