Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize