you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
only you would photoshop your dick
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
