Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
