I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
