I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
