You're my little dorito
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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