Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize
