so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize