But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
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