so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
