I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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