you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
