You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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