I want to walk on stilts...naked
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Randomize
