grandma shit on top of the toilet
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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