I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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