Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
