Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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