So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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