Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize