I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I have fence marks all over my body
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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