You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
