it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize