My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
false alarm, still single
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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