i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
