I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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