Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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