im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
