i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
