I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
