Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
