evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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