She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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