I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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