guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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