Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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