...so i touched it.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
we made out on top of his cat.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
