I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
