Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
