im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
