my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
