Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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