she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize