I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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