I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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