so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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