Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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