omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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