Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
