I feel great
I just peed on a car
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
