That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
