I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
