It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Randomize