My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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