Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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