Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
