Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize