Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
