dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
