Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
