I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
