I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
