I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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