my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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