I am puke
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
