life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
