you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
