may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
