Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
