***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
