she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Success! We fucked roommates!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
