so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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