Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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