His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
