The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
