Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
