I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
