new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
