I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
