Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
