His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
