You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
