oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
