he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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