So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
