I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize