i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
