We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize