do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
