Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
